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Do you wake up already feeling tired from a day that hasn't even started? Is the chronic stress and running at 100mph to do all the things finally catching up with you? We all can relate to that burning out-of-steam feeling—but it's not the end. Through burnout can come powerful lessons that help you create an empowered lifestyle rooted in honoring your body, mind, and spirit. Burning out changes you like fire changes anything it touches.
Nothing that goes through fire comes out the same. Fire takes what once was and changes it into something entirely different than it was before. This is the beauty and the power of the flames of transformation. When we've burned out, we don't get to return to the state we were in before, and this can feel scary and overwhelming.
There is a transformation, a new beginning, a gulp of fresh air after breathing in smoke - that is waiting for you just on the horizon of your life after burnout.
But in order for this transformation to happen, we must learn how to listen. Here are five life-changing lessons your burnout is trying to teach you—and how you can start listening to them today.
One.
Lesson: You must stop denying your needs and emotions.
Burnout is a direct result of unmet needs and unexpressed emotions. Maybe you learned at a young age that there wasn't space for your needs to be met or your feelings to be expressed. Maybe you've bought into the masculine culture we are sold that tells us needing anything or feeling anything makes us weak and unprofessional. Perhaps your identity is so wrapped up in being a "yes" person and always fixing, helping, or supporting others that what you need, feel, and want just vanished into the background of your life some time ago. Regardless of what got you here, your burnout is telling you that this is unsustainable. It's time to find a new way forward.
Listen: Practice identifying and accepting your needs and emotions and communicate them - Identify what you're feeling, why you might be feeling it, and talk about it with someone who won't judge or invalidate your feelings.
Our emotions and needs are an integral part of who we are. Nevertheless, we often brush them aside, bottling them up and pushing them into the depths of our unconscious. But when we deny what we feel and what we need for long enough, something inside us starts screaming. Our bodies put on the breaks for us when we refuse to acknowledge our needs. Chronic stress builds up in our bodies, and our entire being knows when we are out of balance and tries to shock us back to a place of homeostasis. We have to listen.
It is necessary to feel, to acknowledge those feelings, and to communicate them to someone who will listen without judgment or invalidate them. We can't heal something that we don't allow ourselves to feel. Even when it's hard, emotions are physical processes that we have to experience to get to the other side - otherwise, we get stuck. Identifying what you're feeling and why you might feel it can offer clarity and release. It takes courage to be vulnerable, but the benefits are immeasurable.
Further, try to touch the need that lurks beneath the feeling. We all have universal human needs that must be met for our lives to be fulfilling. Some categories of universal needs include physical, security/safety, autonomy/freedom, relaxation/play, connection/community, love/belonging, and meaning. When one or several of our needs aren't being met, our overall well-being suffers. We feel that something is missing because it is - we have unmet needs.
Once you get clarity on what you are feeling and needing, don't keep it to yourself. Sharing your emotions and needs with someone can lead to deeper connections, understanding, and a sense of release. Think of someone you trust with your experience and reach out. Don't be afraid to take that step towards emotional liberation. Embrace your feelings and share them with someone; you'll be amazed at the transformation that follows.
Two.
Lesson: You've given more than you've received for too long.
Many of us who experience burnout are givers. Maybe we were born this way or maybe the norms of our family, culture, and greater society shaped us into givers over time. Either way, we give more than we get. Giving your heart, soul, energy, and effort to work, people, and causes you care about is beautiful, and I don't want you to stop giving. However, your burnout wants you to learn how to give to yourself as much as you give out to the world. Your burnout is trying to teach you how to receive with the same level of heart that you give.
Listen: Learn to say no, draw life-giving boundaries, and prioritize yourself - Become aware of when you are overextending yourself and learn how to set limits on what you can do.
Learning to say no is not easy, but it is necessary for our well-being. It's often said that "no" is a complete sentence, yet many of us struggle with setting this boundary and prioritizing ourselves. We want to make everyone happy, and we believe that saying "yes" to everything is the key to success. However, overextending ourselves leads to burnout and resentment. I listen to and read a lot of Brene Brown's work, and this is something I picked up from her somewhere along the way: When we say yes to avoid the discomfort of saying no, rather than because we want to say yes, we wind up feeling resentful that resentment destroys meaningful connections over time like a slow-acting poison. We have to be brave enough to choose the discomfort of letting someone down at the moment in favor of keeping the relationship healthy over the long run. This rule applies to our personal relationships as much as it does to our work.
Learning how to draw life-giving boundaries in your relationships and around your work is a powerful way to listen to your burnout. This process is about setting limits on what we can do and becoming more self-aware and mindful of our needs. Drawing boundaries is a skill that takes awareness and practice to strengthen. So, take a moment to assess where you've been over-extending and ask yourself what a healthy balance might look like for you in that area.
Prioritizing ourselves is not selfish; it is a spiritual practice that allows us to live a fulfilling life and serve others in a way that is authentic and sustainable. Let's embrace the power of "no" and say yes to a life that is truly aligned with who we are and what we need.
Three.
Lesson: Your underlying beliefs are part of the problem.
This lesson can be challenging to accept and process. It's so much easier to point the finger outward to all that is wrong with the world or our work and say, "That thing out there is why I am feeling this way." Unfortunately, this removes all personal responsibility from the equation and gives us an excuse to stay stuck in burnout. Because if the whole reason we are burned out is outside of ourselves, we can believe that we will never feel better until the world changes... and we will be waiting a while.
Listen: Uncover unconscious beliefs - Take time for self-reflection to explore the underlying beliefs or patterns that are contributing to your burnout.
The truth is that the world and our work influence us, and we internalize many of the messages we consume. These turn into beliefs that govern the way we move through the world that we don't even realize we have. It makes them very tricky to face and change because they hang out just below our consciousness.
Identifying and reflecting on our underlying beliefs and patterns can be a powerful tool for healing and personal growth. Uncovering our unconscious thoughts and beliefs can help us identify the root causes of our burnout and provide clarity on the changes we need to make in our lives. Our beliefs lead to our behaviors, which are 100% part of the equation that brought us to burnout. We might not be able to change the world overnight, but we can take responsibility for how we move through it.
Some beliefs that lead to burnout include:
Success is the key to happiness.
Asking for help is a sign of weakness.
Work isn't meant to be fun or joyful.
I have to be perfect. I can't fail or make mistakes.
I can never do enough.
There's not enough time in the day/week/month.
I have to earn the right to rest, relax, or play.
I am only as worthy as I am productive.
Do any of these feel like they might be lurking under the surface, quietly dictating your choices and behaviors?
Self-reflection allows us to explore our spirit and connect with our inner selves, leading to a deeper understanding of who we are and what we stand for. So, take a moment to slow down, breathe, and dig deep into your soul. You might be surprised at what you discover along the way.
Four.
Lesson: You are addicted to busyness.
Let's be honest. As much as you may feel burdened by your busy schedule, you also depend on it. We've learned that busy = important. When we can say "I'm so busy" or "My schedule is full," we feel a bit of pride. Workaholism is a growing problem in America and has been for some time. This is a product of this need to be busy, to feel productive, and to chase worthiness. When we stay busy, we don't have to feel uncomfortable feelings. We can use work to numb up and avoid things that we don't want to deal with. We tell ourselves, as long as we stay busy we are okay. When we slow down, we get uncomfortable. We also feel needed and important at work when we work all the time. All of this comes from our ego's desire to prove itself worthy and important.
I will let you in on a secret: Your innate human worth is not at all connected to your productivity. The busyness isn't helping you. It's hurting you.
Listen: Make time for stillness - Create moments of stillness in your day to connect deeply with yourself and listen to what your body and soul need at any given moment.
It can be easy to forget the importance of stillness, of quiet time alone with ourselves. We rush from one task to the next, constantly bombarded with notifications and distractions. But taking time for stillness is crucial for our overall well-being.
When we allow ourselves to be still, we create space to connect deeply with ourselves and listen to what our body and soul need. Moments of stillness are not about achieving perfection or finding answers; they are about allowing ourselves to be present at the moment and tune in to our inner voice. This can be incredibly uncomfortable at first. In the stillness, all the things we have been neglecting, ignoring, avoiding, and hiding from emerge. Things that we need to attend to show up, and it can be really hard to face them, but it's worth it. We need to befriend stillness, quietness, and a sense of just being rather than constantly doing when we are recovering from an addiction to busyness.
So whether it's a few moments of meditation, a walk in nature, or simply sitting in silence, making time for stillness can profoundly impact our lives.
Five.
Lesson: You are taking yourself too seriously.
There's plenty in the world to be serious about, and there's a time and place for it, but when we take ourselves and our work too seriously, we allow the opportunities for fun, laughter, rest, and play to vanish from our lives. We begin to tell ourselves that we live to work and that every matter is so pressing and important that it gives us stress that we can't shake even when the workday is over.
You might be taking yourself too seriously if:
You don't remember the last time you laughed so hard you cried.
You have trouble letting loose and being goofy.
You believe that play is only for kids.
You rarely feel like you are having fun at work.
You don't remember how to access your creativity.
Your friends, family, or colleagues have commented on how seriously you take every little thing.
When we don't allow ourselves to have fun, rest, play, and enjoy our lives, we get tired, grumpy, and ineffective in our work. Believe it or not, taking yourself so seriously isn't making you better at work, and it's not making you more productive. It's wearing you out and robbing you of opportunities to experience joy or tap into creativity.
Listen: Honor the importance of rest and play - Allow yourself to rest, play, and nourish yourself mentally, physically, and spiritually.
In a society that glorifies productivity and busyness, it's easy to neglect the importance of rest and play. But honoring our need for both is crucial for both our mental and physical well-being. It's okay to take a step back, relax, and rejuvenate. In fact, it's necessary. When we prioritize rest and play, we allow ourselves to heal and recharge, ultimately increasing our productivity and effectiveness in the long run. When we create time and space in our lives for things that fill us with joy, make us playful, or allow us to slow down, we tap into our ability to cultivate a life of joy and meaning. We become free to be curious and to be goofy. We tap into the energy of delight and recognize that our lives are an act of creativity. We are meant to have these joyful and rejuvenating moments in our lives. When we deprive ourselves, we burn out.
What moments in your life bring you pure delight? How often do you allow yourself space to play? What does rest look like for you?
Give yourself that much-needed time to rest, unwind, and tap into the playfulness of your inner child. Whether it's taking a nap, exploring nature, going for a walk, breaking out into dance when your favorite song comes on, or engaging in your favorite hobby, honor your need for rest and play, and you'll reap the benefits in every aspect of your life.
Burnout often feels like the end. It strips us of our time, energy, passion, and hope. It is an initiation by fire, and it's painful. But you can rise above the pain and challenges that burnout brings and turn them into opportunities for growth by listening to the lessons that await you amid burnout.
Identify and accept your needs and emotions. Prioritize yourself and listen to what your body and soul need from you. Draw and enforce life-giving boundaries. Build moments of stillness into your schedule to detach from busyness. Work toward healing the underlying beliefs that are contributing to your burnout. Make space for rest and play every day.
As you listen and learn how to care for yourself truly, you will feel yourself coming back to life. On the other side of this transformation, you will have the power and opportunity to create a life that excites and nourishes you. If you are ready to listen, you will be changed by the flames of burnout.
Never forget that you are capable of so much more than you believe - so believe courageously in yourself.
Warmly,
-Kayla
If you are burned out or on the verge of burnout and ready to take your life back, schedule a free discovery call with me today. You will leave the call with clarity about what you need to transform your life from Burnout to Balance.
Kayla M. Sweet is the owner, operator, and primary service provider at Internally Guided Leadership Consulting LLC.
Kayla has her BA in Psychology and her MA in Consciousness and Transformative Studies. She specializes in Transformational Leadership and Consciousness and Healing.
Kayla has over a decade of experience in leadership and management and has most recently served in human resources and mental health settings. She currently offers leadership coaching, consulting, and training in alignment with her mission of inspiring loving action worldwide by empowering heart-centered leaders to live with balance.
Sources:
Brene Brown. "Brené Brown: 3 Ways to Set Boundaries. The importance of knowing when, and how, to say no" Oprah.com, accessed 4/9/3023
Jim Dethmer. "What Motivates A Conscious Leader" Conscious Leadership Group, accessed 4/9/2023 https://conscious.is/blogs/what-motivates-a-conscious-leader
Kandi Wiens and Annie McKee. "Why Some People Get Burned Out and Others Don’t" Harvard Business Review, accessed 4/9/2023
Lynne Mclean Brown. "Human Giver Syndrome: The Real Reason We Are So Tired" Lynne Mclean Brown Life Coaching, accessed 4/9/2023 https://www.lynnemcleanbrown.com/human-giver-syndrome/
Michelle Braden. "Busyness Is Our Worst Addiction" Forbes, accessed 4/9/2023
Tina Lopez. "3 Secret Limiting Beliefs We Hold that Lead To Burnout" Medium, accessed 4/9/2023 https://lifewithtina.medium.com/3-secret-limiting-beliefs-we-hold-that-lead-to-burnout-315acc3b4cfe
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The Internally Guided Leadership Blog is the property of Internally Guided Leadership Consulting LLC. It is not to be reproduced, sold, or distributed without permission and appropriate credit given to Internally Guided Leadership LLC and content creator Kayla M. Sweet. This blog is promoting Internally Guided Leadership LLC's services, including but not limited to coaching programs, 1:1 coaching, and leadership consulting.